You Can Have That--If You Can Afford It

Like everyone else, we do not generally have piles of cash lying around, so when my son came to me as a junior in high school and asked for a class ring, I volunteered to sell my own class ring to get him one. Jewelers buy scrap gold by weight, so a class ring will bring a bit of money. However, the price of a ring also depends partly on the amount of gold in it, there was not likely to be a ton of money to buy his ring, especially considering the difference in weight between a woman’s ring and a man’s.

I’m no martyr. I last wore my class ring probably 15 years before. It already awaited recycling in a box of broken gold jewelry. This just seemed like the appropriate time to do it. However, I discovered it was not the appropriate time when we arrived at the jewelry counter at the local Wal*Mart store.
“I don’t want it if it comes from Wal*Mart. I want one like Joe’s,” he informed me. I felt my blood pressure rising. I knew for a fact that Joe had spent an ungodly sum of money on his ring. Money I did not have.

I had two other children at home. I juggled finances to make sure everyone got what they needed without complaint. I did so willingly. But I was not willing to tell his two sisters that they would have to wear their shoes another month or two because big brother needed a class ring.

“Okay, we won’t buy it,” I told him.

I have to confess, I called a friend. My son was angry with me, and I was angry with him, and I needed some clarity. Her answer: He was playing me like a fiddle.

Family life calls for making sacrifices, and it calls on parents and children alike to make them. Simple arithmetic proves it: If two families have $100 for Christmas presents, the only child gets more spent on her than the boy with two sisters.

We do not borrow money unless we have to. There is no “have to” about a class ring, or name-brand jeans, or car insurance for kids. When it comes to nonessentials, if we do not have the money, our children know they have two choices. They can pay their own way, or they can do without.

Mom and Dad take care of the necessities, the roof, the food, the clothes, and if we’re flush, we try to add a nicety here and there. They have our blessing and encouragement to earn anything else they want. We may not give them everything they want, but we will not let them to do without things they need (like financial stability) for things they want.

My son got a job, but the class ring never made it to the top of his priority list. He spent his money on clothes and on having his hair styled, and we let him. We still gave him money for school clothes, and we would have paid for a haircut at the barber. He wanted style at thirty bucks a pop, and he paid his own way to have it.

He never got a driver’s license until he left home, because, once again, saving up thousands of dollars for car insurance was not on his list. Since the state requires vehicle insurance to register a car, until he had the cash for insurance, he did not get to drive.

His sister got her license at 17. She got her first job within walking distance from home. She pays her own insurance. And this spring, she and I took a road trip across country to see her friend in the military. She paid. Both my children have learned earn what they want, and neither has a class ring.

But the most important lesson for all of us is about setting priorities. When my son wanted to drive badly enough, he gathered up the money for insurance. Insurance became a priority, and he did what it took to get what he wanted. I may not always agree with their priorities, but I do not have to, because my children’s priorities do not belong to me. I have modeled good priority-setting. They are smart kids. I have faith in them. They will get it.
© 2005